Stage fright, for the first time in years

It's been a long time since I've had stage fright. Sure, I get excited and nervous before performing now (I'd say "just ask my band," but they are sworn to secrecy about my back-stage antics before heading out in front of an audience). But sweaty, panicky, knee-and-finger-shaking stage fright? Not for a long time.

I was excited to perform at the open mic hosted by the Southern Minnesota Poetry Society.  Since it was bitterly cold that night, I decided to take my very portable little lap harp out for the evening and play in the style of the Celtic bards, singing and accompanying myself.

  

I played "She Moved Through the Fair" with very simple accompaniment.

  

The words are so poetic. 

"And then she went homeward with one star awake

as the swans in the evening move over the lake."

Ahhh.

Not a finger shake in sight. 

And then someone said it. "Amy, won't you read us some of your poetry?" Well, that changed everything. I was among poets, real poets. People who had actually memorized their work, who read with riveting passion, who painted images with words. They had won awards. And me? I write poetry once in a while, for fun, when an image strikes me. Read it in front of people?

Gulp.

I got a poem out of my folder (just carrying my poetry to a society meeting makes me feel like the real deal). I stood there feeling quite...naked. There was no harp in front of me. Nothing to do with my hands. Thank goodness there was a podium. I giggled nervously, ignored my shaking knees, fanned myself a few times with the pages. And began.

 

 Here's proof.

They listened. They clapped. 

And I was never so glad to get off a stage in my life. 

In theory, it's good to step outside our comfort zones and scare ourselves once in a while. In practice, it's really hard. I'm amazed at how hard it was to be on stage without a harp and read my writing in front of people. But I'm really glad I did. I think stretching artistically in any direction helps define and polish and deepen my main focus: music. And I actually think I could read my poetry again, perhaps with less of a before-reading freak-out.

Which would mean I would have to maybe write some more poetry...yeah.

(photos by Sue Wipperling and Yvonne Cariveau)